A Song for Someone Who Wasn't

On finding yourself in the wreckage of someone else’s chaos.

Nearly a year ago, my life turned upside down when I met someone I’ll call “J.” What followed was a year of blurred lines, emotional whiplash, and unanswered questions. Through this space—and through my journaling—I’ll share the full story of what has transpired. But for now, I’ll begin at the moment that still sits heavy in my chest: when “J” insisted we have a conversation after a mutual friend had abruptly left our new apartment. I was confused by his words, disoriented by his actions. Searching for any anchor I could find, I turned to music for solace—and found it in Shawn Mendes’s “A Song for No One.” For nearly two months, I listened on repeat, letting his words become my emotional mirror.

What I didn’t know then was how much this would change me. How I’d go from giving my power away to someone who didn’t deserve it, to falling in love with myself in ways I never expected. This is that story—the messy, honest one I wish someone had told me when I needed it most.

Keep reading to see how one conversation, one song, and a year of unraveling led me to the one truth I’d been running from: I am enough, exactly as I am.

I wake up, mind still spinning

Trace the outlines of your faceIn a place we shared in silence

Now there’s just your empty space

I check my phone, three words unread

“Only apartment stuff,” you said

Like the months we spent meant nothing

Like I made it all up in my head

You liked her

You made that clear

And I was just

Conveniently near

So this is a song for someone who wasn’t

A ghost I touched but never held

You closed the door, said nothing happened

But I remember where I fell

You say you never gave me reason

But your silence screamed the truth

This is a song for someone who wasn’t—

But I still loved him like he was you

I needed clarity, you gave me blame

Said I betrayed you by speaking her name

You talked in circles, called me confused

But you’re the one who rewrote the rules

Montgomery—remember?

Your legs across mine

But now you say

That meant nothing, this whole time

You touched me

Like you meant to

Now you say

I only dreamt you

So this is a song for someone who wasn’t

Who looked at me but never saw

Said I imagined every moment

But I still trace them, every flaw

You liked her—

And I’m not her

And that’s a truth I never knew

This is a song for someone who wasn’t—

But I still loved him like he was you

You said I wanted something wrong

That I crossed a line

But all I ever wanted

Was for you to be mine

So this is a song for someone who wasn’t

Still—I wrote it anyway

Every verse a little goodbye

To a man who never asked me to stay

You closed the book

Before I turned the page

And I’m still singing

To silence, and rage